Fake Foods: What’s Really in Your Parmesan & Peanut Butter?

Hey, Sylvia, guess what?

What do you tell

Well, the other day I made spaghetti or pasta bolognese.

You know I'm always in search for the best bolognese,

Yes, I know.

It's, it's a quest

It is a quest.

But we ran out of Parmesan cheese, you know, the good stuff, the stinky kind

Oh, let me guess.

You had an emergency can or tub hidden in the depths of your refrigerator

Well, it took a little digging, but yes, we had some.

And while we're eating our dinner, of course I decide, well, we're a food show.

I gotta read the back of the can.

Not that I always do when I'm at the store, but as I'm reading the

ingredients, it said somewhere like around number three, cellulose.

And Bob said, "Wait.

Cellulose?

That's wood pulp."

Well, Bob's kinda half right on that

one, and honestly,, your can isn't the worst one out there

No.

Oh, God forbid

Well, in 2012, the FDA walked into a cheese plant in Pennsylvania.

The can said 100% Parmesan, and there wasn't even any Parmesan in them.

It was Swiss cheese.

It was Swiss cheese?

So I'm not eating Parmesan, so what else am I eating then?

Who knows?

That's why we're here, to look at the label and find out what's real and fake

Real and fake.

That's what our show's all about, folks.

So look at what's in our glass, speaking of real or fake, because we're doing another toast with

peach vodka, Triple Sec, a little lemon, and syrup made with Tang,

, and of course a little orange zest because we are in Florida, right?

Well, yes, and of course you had to put the edible glitter in that syrup.

It matches your whole wardrobe of sparkly stuff, including

boots and those tennis shoes that you love to wear everywhere

I do.

So I couldn't resist when I saw the edible glitter.

I've seen it everywhere now

and don't forget, I also had to add Tang on the rim, although I might try something else next time

Tang?

Isn't that the astronaut drink?

Well, that's what a bar in Philadelphia figured back in 1995.

They put a Tang martini on the menu, and they named it, guess what?

What?

The Buzz Aldrin

Oh, that's really corny

but my guess that he wasn't really happy about it

No, they should have asked Buzz Lightyear or Buzz Aldrin back then first.

- He actually sent a lawyer after them who sent one letter with

stern warning, and suddenly that drink was renamed The Astronaut.

Boring.

My guess it was a cease and desist letter immediately.

, but I think it's- a hoot that years later he goes on TV and says Tang sucks

I'd have to agree with him.

- Which is why ours gets its own name.

We're gonna call it The Mitchell.

And who Mitchell is, well, you'll find out a little later on in this show

Well, I knew you were not a big fan of

Tang, but I knew that sparkly glitter would get you.

Every time.

To the cooks who reached for the box

and the packets, I'm sure they had their reasons

And whether it's real or fake.

And your two award-winning podcasters here today, well,

we're drinking Tang with a little extra spike in there

And glitter too.

And thank you for being here today.

We are so glad that you're listening

If you like what you're hearing, follow the show and leave a review.

It's really how people find us

And we have a new way for you to find us.

Go to, it's real simple this time, FamilyFoodStories.com So this week we're giving a shout-out

to our friends and listeners, in Rutherglen, Scotland, and in Boston, Massachusetts.

- I think that the folks in Salem, Massachusetts , probably liked last week's Halloween

episode on how to share a drink with their dead relatives.

Although they probably already know how to do that.

And do you know what the term dead ringer is all about, Sylvia?

I actually do, but I wanna hear your version of the story

Well, we're gonna leave that one as a teaser for everybody because they're gonna

have to go find us on our Facebook group, links in the show notes.

because we need to stay on target with this week's show and a little history and yes,

the mystery, ha ha, pun intended with that one, and the family food stories that we have ahead

which I just love.

So yes, we do.

And on that note, we'd love to hear from you on what else you want to hear about.

There's a question we'll add in addition to the dead ringer story for you on our Facebook page.

What did your family serve that wasn't quite what the label said in that packet or tub?

Yeah.

Okay.

There's a lot of that, I'm sure.

But right now we're gonna go back to that Parmesan story right in the beginning.

Do you keep an emergency stash bottle or jar in your refrigerator?

And do you think that that plastic or glass shaker bottle is actually filled with real or fake cheese?

Well, I won't tell you about the one my mom stashes in the cupboard, not

even refrigerated, for years, which every time I go, I pitch.

So at least I do try to get the good stuff.

So I had a tub of shaved Parmesan 'cause I was doing an order for garlic Parmesan sourdough bread.

But then I looked at the container after doing research on the show, and guess what?

there was cellulose, and I thought I was buying the fancy-schmancy stuff, just cheating

Oh, no.

Well, first I have to question a tub of cheese, but what else did you find?

.. Sylvia France: Well, Bloomberg also had a bunch of them tested back in 2016.

Some store brands were close to 9% cellulose, and Kraft was just under 4%.

Well, at least it wasn't 50% cellulose, . But so what's the wood pulp part all about?

Say that three times fast,

Well, cellulose is actually plant fiber., It keeps the

cheese from clumping, and in food, a lot of it does come from pulp

So I've been eating wood like a termite., I hate those

little buggers and in my pasta or bolognese all those years.

Oh, Miss Fancy Nancy

Yes.

gonna start calling you Sparkles.

A little wood.

It's legal in small amounts, so it's mostly real with a side of tree

Well, in all fairness, it lasts.

And the wedge, , it does have a shelf life

Which is the whole reason we both keep an emergency can or tub

I'm embarrassed to say that, but yes.

But turn yours around tonight if you've got one in your fridge.

I'm gonna guess you do and if cellulose is on there, now you know why

Or buy the wedge and grate it.

You'll taste the difference, but it's not as easy

Or leave it in the fridge and then grate it as you need it.

That's a good tip.

yeah, we'll put that in the show notes

but while you're in your pantry, the instant oatmeal, strawberries and cream.

You know the kind I'm talking about, Sylvia

ew, those little packets that we had as kids

that you would tear them open and then dump hot water on them

Yeah, filled with sugar.

I can't stand those.

Bob loves them, but you know, then I'm not making his oatmeal, so

You can't complain too much

No, no, and I actually prefer the steel cut.

that's my favorite.

, But those strawberry bits are not strawberries at all.

They're really dried apples, fake strawberry flavor, and you got it, red dye number something

Apples dyed red.

Ew

Well, at least they're apples, . But no, there's not one strawberry in there at all.

I think that's fake advertising or false advertising and nothing

on the front of that box actually tells you that they're fake

Those boxes, Most of those recipes, as you

know, was cut off the side of one of those boxes or packets

You gotta love your mom.

so read me one of the ones that you've got

Well, ,, my favorite was a pineapple upside-down cake that I think, if I remember

correctly, it's not in front of me, had Dream Whip in it

Oh, I can't imagine.

Ugh.

I agree on that one.

What I want to know is why our mothers, our sisters,

and our grandmothers reach for that box or packet.

Because when your family recipe calls for something out of a

box, do you trust it, swap it, or find out why it's there?

Well, I have a story about potatoes, and I'm gonna guess it's because our

moms were told that they were too important to be cooking., But let me tell you my story

I only wanna hear the story if it includes Bob

Well, of course it does.

This is a good one.

Bob and I were dating, and he decided he was gonna make me a meal at his apartment.

That was sweet.

I had to insist anybody I was gonna end up with had to know

how to do the laundry and at least know one or two dishes

How about vacuum?

Mm, not so good at that, but everything else I'm kind of okay with.

So he decides to make me roast chicken, his famous roast

chicken, , now he spatchcocks it, and mashed potatoes.

And of course, I wanted to help.

And he said, "Great. Go make the potatoes." The mashed potatoes, of course.

I looked at him.

I opened the pantry cupboard at his apartment and said, " So where's the box?"

The box of what?

That's exactly what he said.

Oh, mashed potatoes, of course.

My mother never made real ones.

- We called them fluffies as kids

I really like that name.

My mother was not that creative, so that's why I make my own.

I've heard them called crack mashed potatoes

well, I still call them fluffies, but are they even real potatoes?

Actually, they are, which surprised me.. A government lab outside of Philadelphia

worked out how to bring them back to life in the '50s and '60s

Kinda like that dead ringer, right?

Real potatoes, but just not Bob's

? Sylvia France: Did you really think that's what mashed potatoes were?

I did.

That's all we ever had.

They were good at the time.

I can't eat them now, though

I know along with my mom's 18 cans of baked

beans, she at least has a dozen of mashed potatoes with garlic.

Ugh.

But the ads kept telling women they didn't have time to cook

Sounds like a conspiracy to me

Well, you know those marketing people.

We know them well.

But right.

A food historian, Laura Shapiro, found a lot of women actually liked cooking and pushed back.

They use the box or the packet for one part of the meal that they still made themselves

Ah, so boxed potatoes and real chicken, or

in my mom's case, it always seemed to be steak and potatoes

Exactly.

If the cook in your family is still around, ask her why she used the box, the packet, or the tub

Well, Mom's not around anymore, , but write down what she says right there

next to the recipe that you've written out in your book

And actually add your own shortcuts, too.

The store-bought crust, the rotisserie chicken, write it down why you use them.

Your family will appreciate it later

Yep, they're all part of our stories.

Although there's another story that I just recently found out about.

The peanut butter jar wasn't her call

Well, whose was it then?

apparently companies.

Who else, right?

In the '50s, they were cutting corners.

I think they're still cutting corners today, probably more so than back then.

But they - were swapping out peanut oil for cheaper hydrogenated oil, hoping they wouldn't get caught

hydrogenated oil, especially palm oil, I avoid that like the absolute plague

Well, everything was better for us back then, ha ha.

All right.

But back in 1959, the government proposed that 95% peanuts was all you really needed, And then

the companies fought for 12 years to make it a lot less than that

12 years fighting over peanut butter?

Yeah, I would imagine they had a lot of lawyers with

peanut butter sticking to the roof of their mouths, right?

I hope they didn't have it in their mouth when they were arguing the case

, Nancy May: Well, that's probably why it took them 12 years.- But apparently one homemaker, Ruth

Desmond, sat through every single day of these hearings,

and the papers ended up calling her the Peanut Butter Grandma

I am so glad I am Nona rather than the peanut butter grandma

I know, right?

But they finally settled in 1971.

90% peanuts is all they needed And after that, the jar had to say, " Peanut spread."

Wait, and the real peanut butter is still allowed to have hydrogenated oil?

You got it.

100% hydrogenated oils still allowed

Okay, this is really gonna bug me.

Skippy Natural uses palm oil that isn't hydrogenated so

it doesn't meet the rule, and the label calls it spread

Hang on there because the quote unquote

natural one is the one that isn't really the peanut butter

Not legally.

Read whatever comes after the word peanut to be sure

And before you start into your Thanksgiving

dinner, read the ingredients on your gravy packet.

Again, something I don't like

So we're picking on gravy this time?

You got it.

one popular turkey gravy mix says on the back of that packet,

"Wheat starch, milk, flour, salt," and then chicken fat

Where's the turkey and the gravy?

Zippo, nada, gone.- The turkey's in there as a powder only, and then sixth on the list

So the chicken's really doing the heavy lifting instead of the turkey

Gobble, gobble, gobble.

. But what about hot dogs?

They're actually made of real meat, believe it or not, and they're highly processed.

So what's actually inside a hot dog skin?

I have my theories,

, But I'll tell you what we call them later

Well, it's we've heard before, it's the definition

of what really is, is, and it's, the definition of what real, real.

You know, I really cannot consider myself an expert, but I was married

to an engineer at ConAgra who made Hebrew National hot dogs.

But what I understand, it's meat trimmings, fat, and water, spices,

flavoring, and curing agents to prevent bacterial growth.

- The meat trimmings are ground into fine pieces and blended with water, ice, and spices

until they become a smooth paste, and they call it meat emulsion.

That sounds disgusting

This batter is pumped into casings, cooked in a smokehouse, cooled, and

then the casings are stripped away before the packaging.

So you know those skinless hot dogs?

Yeah.

You know what Bob and I call hot dogs?

Oh, please.

I'm sure there's a good name for

There is.

We call them peckers and snouts because that's what's inside them.

Go figure

You and Bob, you have the most entertaining labels for things

Gotta keep laughing.

But apparently the pie is safe.

You heard canned pumpkin is really squash?

Well, it won't surprise me.

I've been accused of being non-American because I do not like pumpkin pie.

Anything on pumpkin is ick.

Maybe it's because it's orange and squishy

Well, one bite, no thank you rule in our house.

I know, and I would make pumpkin pie for the kids because they loved it

Well, we're gonna have that rule in our house too.

When I learned how to make real pumpkin pie two years ago from a local baker, the secret is

really apparently in the pumpkin and the kind of pumpkin that you buy and roasting it just

right., the can that you buy in the store is also real pumpkin.

It's just not as good as fresh.

. And mostly a kind called Dickinson.

It's a totally different type of pumpkin than the jack-o'-lantern

that you'd carve , and put out on your front door

I'm still not eating it, and don't pass me that canned cranberry sauce either.

I'll make it fresh

I'm on the same table with you literally with that one, noted.

However, do you remember Mitchell with our toast glasses in the beginning?

Finally, I get to figure out why it's called The Mitchell.

You had me hanging this whole episode

Well,.

The man it's named after made something , that's

in a lot of freezers right now, and maybe even yours.

I don't think it's in mine

Well, we'll find out after the break.

Hang tight

Please don't say that it's Cool Whip

You've been out-trumped.

Cool Whip.

William Mitchell, a chemist at General Foods in 1966, made Cool Whip

Okay, Cool Whip is also on my hate list.

It's all that oil and then trying to get it off the bowl and whatever you make.

I think we're gonna have a few companies calling us

and writing in about the things we don't like and consider fake.

But when it first came out, , there was no cream in it at all.

- They didn't add the milk and the light cream until actually 2010

And you know what?

They still can't call itself whipped cream.

Look at the tub.

It says whipped topping

Yep, you got it.

And I used to love that too, especially when it was frozen.

So my mom called that diet dessert.

But it's been years, and I'm not sure I'd like it today

But coffee creamer's another one.

The jar says a non-dairy and then right on the same label contains a milk derivative

Interesting.

I was just looking at our ice cream bucket the other day, or our ice cream container, and it

said, may contain genetically modified ingredients." Hmm.

I'm reading labels, so I'm not gonna get out of the grocery store anytime fast these days,

Well, before the tub, there was Dream Whip, the powder in the box

Yeah, … There's a 1959 ad for that one.

Low in cost, and it stays fresh on the shelf.

No refrigerator needed.

Thank you

Cheap and it keeps.

It sounds like a tagline to me

I agree with you there.

So Cool Whip, do we call it fake or real?

Absolutely fake cream but the tubs never pretended otherwise

And if you have a big family, you probably save those tubs for leftovers,

My mom and dad still keep them along with their cottage cheese containers

Well, that's for another show.

- But Mitchell didn't stop at Cool Whip either, he was also credited with the invention of Tang in 1957.

But everybody thinks NASA made Tang

.. Nancy May: Nope, it was in the grocery store a few

years before - John Glenn took it up in space in 1962

And it still ended up with Buzz Aldrin's name on a martini

Yeah, wrong guy, right drink.

But still, Mitchell also made, guess what?

Pop Rocks

I loved Pop Rocks as a kid, and now you can find them on cookies

Oh, I haven't seen that one yet but then you also heard about Mikey.

You know Mikey likes Life?

Yeah.

Wasn't he like this cereal kid that hated everything?

Well, yes, , but the rumor was also that he ate Pop Rocks, drank soda, and

apparently his stomach exploded, kind of like an Oompa Loompa?

I think it was like the blueberry girl

that one,

well, I admit I ate Pop Rocks, but I never heard that once

Wait, Pop Rocks and a pageant kid?

Hmm.

No, we were on a diet.

Well, I s- would sneak them.

Okay.

Well, apparently parents heard that rumor too, . and General Foods ended up having

to write to about 50,000 school principals to say that the candy was actually safe for the kids

So what actually happened to Mikey?

he was fine.

End of story.

Kind of boring,

… Sylvia France: It sounds like a rumor that a bunch of 10-year-old bored boys would come up with

I agree.

But kind of fun either way.

But I'm not necessarily a Pop Rocks fan myself.

I actually prefer Pixy Stix.

, You know that sour dust in the straw?

Yes.

Weren't they, like, full of sugar deliciousness?

Absolutely . And they started out apparently as a drink mix.

Kids kept eating the powder right out of the packets, so

somebody got smart and turned it into, you got it, a candy.

. Sylvia France: And Mitchell got Pop Rocks as he was trying to make an instant soda

I love how flubs turn into something really cool.

. But what was in your freezer growing up?

Not ice cream, we had ice milk

My dad preferred that too.

I know why he did it, but why did you guys have ice milk?

Well,, my mom thought it had fewer calories.

Honestly, I'm not even sure that was even true

Well, it did have less fat, and that's exactly the same reason my dad liked it too.

He wanted to make sure he was keeping trim, fit, and buff.

But ice cream had to be at least 10% milk fat,

but ice milk was more like two to 7%.

I was put on it because I was a pageant girl and my first diet was at five.

So fewer calories were important to my mom.

I remember even asking her if water had calories

Oh, God.

I'm gonna have to have a talk with your mom,, but still.

The part on the calories is not exactly clear because

people complained about the sugar that was in it.

Then in 1994, the government dropped the name and the

same kind of thing started to show up as light ice cream

Isn't that kind of like Diet Coke and in Europe they

have to call it Light Coke because you can't put a diet in a Coke?

Oh, I never heard that one.

It's true

Mm. I'll believe you.

. We need a road trip to double-check just in case.

Sign me up

But your mom wasn't the only one counting calories.

Back in 1908, , a government chemist said saccharin might not be safe

Are you talking those little pink packets?

Yeah, those were the first ones that came out.

Now we have blue and yellow on top of it.

… But apparently Teddy Roosevelt used it instead of sugar, doctor's orders, and he said, "Anybody

who says saccharin is injurious to your health is an idiot."

Oh, no.

At least my grandfather was an idiot.

I can remember in the '70s, he was actually hoarding it

because of the threats of pulling it off the market.

Oh gosh.

. Sylvia France: It still actually got a warning label after some rat studies.

They took it off in 2000

Yeah, probably one of those California laws, but we still have the pink packets.

And in college, I had a pretty hot boyfriend at the time.

Ooh, Ooh,

I won't tell Bob

Yeah, we know we won't tell Bob.

But he was always complaining about me putting saccharin in my tea and coffee.

I was new to drinking coffee, so it was a little bitter and

the extra sweetness helped it go down , to keep me awake for exams.

It didn't work.

But he said, "You know, that's dangerous and causes cancer." - My response, "Well, it doesn't in

me because I'm not in a lab and I am not a rat, just yet at least."

My mom had her reasons for iced milk, even if she wasn't right about the calories

Okay, we've covered a lot here today from peckers and snouts on hot dogs all

the way to saccharin and, yes, a little bit of tang.

And of course sparkles on your shoes

on my shoes and in my drink, but we have five takeaways, as always, that you can use today.

The first is don't stop at the name.

Look at the word after it right on the label and in the first few ingredients, because that's

where the spread and the chicken fat usually turn up first

Your Parmesan can or tub in my case, if cellulose is on there, that's filler.

Want the real thing?

Buy a wedge and grate it yourself

Well, at least the cellulose is plant material, so

Well, in Florida we - do need anti-caking on some things

A few things for sure.

And if the cook that you grew up with in your family is still around, ask why she used the

box, write it down and put that note right next to the recipe

And the same goes for you.

Your shortcuts are going to be somebody's family recipe someday, so write it down and why.

They'll appreciate it later

Yes.

and the big one, The box on your family's table likely wasn't a trick, and if you find out why it

was there, you'll learn something about the person who served it

Okay, one more time.

Glasses up.

To Mr. Mitchell, I'll take the candy, and you can keep the topping

As long as there's sparkles in there.

And to the moms who fed us, yes, with boxes.

Love you, Mom

And next time, another good food fight.

If you heat it up in the microwave, did you actually cook it?

Hmm.

Good question.

, We've debated that one here

So Happy cooking and happy experimenting

I think I've gotta find some more edible glitter to rim my martini glass

Bottoms up.

Bye-bye